I Think I'm Incapable of Liking Movies

So I went and saw X-Men Origins: Wolverine last night.

Shit, I might as well just copy and paste my Watchmen post over into this one. Well, instead of that (and because the ol' blog needs a good update) I think I'll summarize my complaints from the movie in one sentence:

If you're going to make a movie based on a previously-established work, follow the goddamned source material.

Elements of the plot were so far-removed from the comics, and in ways that were really unnecessary in the first place: I mean, Sabretooth (played by a suprisingly good Liev Shreiber) and Wolverine didn't have to be brothers (unlike the comic) because the fact that they lived in the same household would be explanation enough for their connection. Unless Marvel studios thought that the audience would need that little extra kick to make the connection (even then, do they think we're that dense?) I don't see why they needed to change something that has already been proven to work.


I found myself laughing out loud more often than being amazed by the "action" because I just couldn't take most of the moments seriously; there was way too much CGI in this movie to be comfortable, and in some of the more over-the-top parts I couldn't suspend my disbelief anymore.

You'd figure in a movie about Wolverine there would be less... side fat. Blob pun aside, the supporting characters were numerous and often horribly done. I mean, what the hell, Merry! You should have better work than this! Good ol' Dom has like 5 minutes of screentime then gets killed off by Sabretooth. Will.i.am plays a buddy cop to Wolverine for about the same amount of time before he gets killed in the exactly same way. Gambit, who shouldn't even be in this movie, was largely useless and his again, five minutes of screentime could have been easily replaced by one line of dialog by any of the other Weapon X side characters in the movie: "I know where the island is."

I shall, again, give praise to Liev Shreiber and the guy who played Blob. I also let out a little "Fuck YES!" when Patrick Stewart showed up for about 30 seconds at the end. That's pretty much all I have to say that's good about this movie.

Oh shit, I forgot to rant about Deadpool.

Ryan Reynolds, as a huge Deadpool fan, you should have known this wasn't going to turn out well for Wade. You should have known they would butcher his character and reduce him to a mutated monstronsity at the end of the movie. You should have known that when his death was pretty much him being thrown into the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant that you should have said something. I place the gross misuse of Wade on your head.

I am now uneasily waiting to see how they're going to screw up the Iron Fist movie. God helps us all.